Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
