I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
