I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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