Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
