cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
