There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
