oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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