That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
