I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
