I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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