My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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