so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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