it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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