remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
