You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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