You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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