I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
