she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
