6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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