I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
