his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
