I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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