My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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