The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
