One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
