My nipple is on Facebook.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
