omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
is wine microwaveable?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
