I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
