you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
