I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
