he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
