no, he came in my armpit
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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