Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
