I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
