It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
