i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She's the barista slut.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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