So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
