I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
