wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
