Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
