I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
