I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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