Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
