Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
