i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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