I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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