Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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