I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
