someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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