idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Every concussion has its silver lining
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
