I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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