I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
