no, he came in my armpit
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
