Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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