so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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